nice can't wait to read it

hey this is my first one so give me pointers and helpful critisim
chapter 1
athenas pov
my uncle and father are bickering over what the fates declared 30 minutes ago the fates told us that we would need the help of the banished ones and zues threw lightning at the fates feet and said "how dare you acuse us of banishing demigods and the fates replied "oh but you have, 1 of the 3 have decided to come and help you in the war against chaos"back to the present right when zues was about attack posiden the doors to the throne room crumpled to the ground and some one who looked extremely like one of my daughters then all of a sudden taliha jumped up and huged her screaming annabeth thats it its annabeth i got up to go to hug her when i was hit by a blast of pure energy i fell unconsious

Alright. Helpful criticism must mean constructive criticism. First, this has potential, but you need to actually put periods at the end of sentences. Second, there are places in your chapter that need to have paragraphs. I'm not gonna tell you when because my explanation would be very hard to understand. Third, capitalize people's names. Last, I would recommend longer chapters. Besides all that stuff I liked it! And I don't want to discourage you but aren't there a lot of story's like this? But don't stop your story because of me, there is a good chance that this will be better than those other banished demigod's story's. Okay, you never said anything about spamming, so I'm just gonna ask you to read my story and then comment. It's called Demigod World War II. It kinda sucks but it would feel good to have another person on fanpop comment on my story.

yes spam is allowed and thanks that means alot to me and thank you i will try to read it and could you guys like give me some ideas i have a good idea of were the story is going but i need some ideas

dude this is good.
is dalton ment to be you?
whos paul?
wheres percy?
good woman annabeth!!!!
keep post try make it a little longer i luv it!!!!!!!
post soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want to know is paul like me [we have same name first name anyway]

and they are powers id have paul powers i mean there cool and dalton has cool powers too

i know its been 13 hrs but post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :p :) :I :j :o :D

you said one of the three theres four just so you know

yes pual is you but masters is just a last name i made up dalton is me percys location will be revealed in a few chapters im working on making them longer and now for
CHAPTER 2
puals pov
how dare the fates say we need to help those olympians. i will never help them until dalton or percy helps them.
"leo rally the troops.those cursed olympians are coming do not engage them let them come if annabeth leads them they will not attack if not kill them all exept for taliah,nico,grover,and kyle."
while leo was rallying the troops puals wife was leaving to find percy and dalton.





daltons pov
when i saw gwen i nearly fell out of my chair
"dalton pual plans on attacking the olympians. you must conince him to stop."gwen said
i told her"why should i the olympians banished us for no reason"
she started to break down in tears then she told me annabeth was with them.crap why did she leave with out telling me? i mean she is my wife after all. why did she do it? okay let me fill in the blanks for you. after percy had been banished from camp he broke up with annabeth he feared he would never see her again.he didnt want her to go threw life with him alive and her not knowing.i was her best friend.one day i saw her in our cabin crying i had to comfort her.while was comforting her something happened she had leaned in and kissed me.later that night percy contacted me in my dream he said he knew it was going to happen. he said he had seen.he told me he wasnt mad at me he ,to my surpries,said we would make a cute coulple.now back to the present i had to stop pual.


hope you like it i know its short but its all i could think of at the moment

you have me prefect i would attack olympus.
awesome chapter i think but this is only the beginning

i know you would pual thats why i did it

chapter 3
daltons pov

"pual you need to stop this madness.you know annabeth is out there "i told pual
"i know but she is a traitor she fights for the enemy"said pual
"no she fights for the oliympians at the time she still hates them.pual there is something i need to tell you"i said
"what is it then "pual said in an annoyed tone
"she is my wife"i told him
pual pulled his sword and charged me i let him pin me against the wall
"you traitor you betrayed percy.i will killyou for this"pual said
i pulled my sword out and disarmed pual and reversed my position on him
"i did not betray him"i said
i told him the story of how percy broke up with annabeth of how we started to date to when i asked her to marry me










































































tell me if its good tell me if it s bad but just feel free to express your opinoins

sorry i didnt me for it to be that long god its huge

great post soon!

good!!!

Good, but whats up with the blank space? Blank space makes me cry.

amazing

i did no fo that to happen i found out how it happened my sister did it

hey guess who my next character is
1 _ _ _ _

2_ _ _ _ _ _

how could paul or me whichever be this angry i know he is the god of anger and that but still post

and 1zeus
2??????

1 yes 2 is percys first nightmare mixed with a god named thor

Is Paul stronger than Percy?
Cuz that's impossible

nope but dalton is just as strong as percy but percy might end up killing annabeth and dalton might kill percy and pual and then kill every one else but it probaly wont happen

I liked it post soon

hmmmmmmm this is a very interesting story this has potential but please try to make your chapters longer and with longer paragraphs anyways it's good so far i don't whant to sound mean or anything sorry if i do but pleaae post soon it's good:)

PAUL cant be killed god of death hello!!!!!!!!!

2 kronos mixed with thor?

yes but dalton can send them to chaos because he is blessed by chaos

yes but god of death has speacial powers that can make them escape from anywhere as long as someone is in terrible pain

no he cant escape from chaos he has no physical body only a spiritual and chaos can absorb his being

impossible i know all myths about chaos and he cant do that in them but have it your way just post the chapter

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oh you have writing block could have made those posts there easier to read.

no i like hard to read -TYSON
tyson shutup-ME
.( sad tyson

im sorry tyson
it ok-tyson
.)